I Know I should Be Meditating But....
This subject is so interesting to me because I see this resistance with myself and the majority of my patients. We all know the stats; meditation reduces anxiety, helps us deal with stress, reduces depression, helps heart rate stabilize etc. We know there are lower rates of disease among those who meditate. Meditation is free and available for anyone of any socioeconomic status. There is no skill involved and we benefit from day 1 all the way past day 1,000. There are so many reasons why we should do it and yet there is this resistance.
Any new habit, exercise or self care activity can really take some time to be a normal part of our routine. Many will report that habits take 21 days to be more permanent. We are all too busy but also much too stressed, so there is an obvious need to inject moments of pause into our day. I think about all the time I waste doing other stuff that has little to no mental/emotional benefit. I will easily spend 20 minutes scrolling through social media multiple times per day, I will watch a show at the end of the day to zone out and let my brain rest when I feel tired from the day. I am probably entertained but entertainment is way out of balance in our society. As humans, I wonder if we have gotten obsessed with being entertained to a dysfunctional degree. I remember when I was a kid (before cell phones), when you would wait for an appointment and just kind of sit there or wait in a line and be staring ahead. Maybe you would pick up a magazine or chat with someone in a waiting room but often just sitting there with yourself, and it wasn’t considered uncomfortable, we were more content with just being there. Now, in these “boring” settings, I will do so many things that help me to avoid facing myself, being alone with myself, avoiding seeing what’s under the surface. All of the numbing and avoiding, keeping our brains focused on anything but what is inside is what feels the easiest and most comfortable.
Where are my results?
Part of the problem with meditation is that it doesn’t feel like an obvious huge win every time. Sometimes I come out of a session feeling really zen, sometimes I come out feeling the same anxiety I felt going in. You don’t build up big muscles, or lose weight, you don’t have better skin or a better singing voice, the results can be more subtle sometimes. Over the long term when you some day finally realize you are more resilient to stress, it may catch you by surprise. It can be like there’s still an ingrained skepticism even while you reap the benefits. Interestingly though it does work kind of like exercise, building up this skill in a way that your body starts to adopt as a normal predictable state. When we teach it to get clear, zen and relaxed, the nervous system catches on. Conversely when we are exposed to stress, anxiety and trauma all the time, our nervous system starts to think “this is the new normal,” and it gets stuck in the patterning keeping us in “fight or flight” or “freeze and appease” all of the time. Meditation is how we break away from the fight or flight pattern and create a new one. This “rest and digest” relaxed state of the nervous system starts to kick in easier and easier the more we introduce and experience it. Regular practice helps us learn how to feel ok most of the time and more resilient when the boat is rocked.
Multitasking
My favorite compromises or training wheels for meditation are acupuncture, energy work, breathwork and guided meditation. When combining meditation with another activity, many of us who are either workaholics, scared or full of excuses, can feel like we are actually doing something or accomplishing something useful. With acupuncture, reiki or Craniosacral, you are laying on the treatment table with soothing music in the background and you have this opportunity to relax your nervous system and let your mind wander. It is a great opportunity to focus on breathing and practice a peaceful mind taking a break from all of the day to day life thoughts and stressors. This state IS meditation. This practice IS going inward. This strategy works great for the person with all the excuses. They won’t make time for themselves at home and they cannot possibly sit in the quiet stillness in their normal life but when it’s an appointment being paid for and scheduled, this makes it all the more real and valuable. Many of us are now hearing more and more about breathwork and it’s benefits. Some are attending breathwork circles and events or having private breathwork sessions with a practitioner. Some folks have noticed or been diagnosed with tension in the diaphragm, unhealthy breathing patterns or shallow breathing and have been introduced to breathwork to create physiological changes. I have experienced a few of these scenarios and always come back to the basic easy breathwork techniques that I can easily remember and execute without having to think very hard. There are probably hundreds of YouTube videos and different instructors on these techniques that can be found on the internet if you cannot work with a professional and they are often just as helpful. A session of even a few minutes of breathwork can help you get into a very relaxed state where you tap into that calmed nervous system and let yourself start to calm the monkey mind.
I cannot say enough about guided meditations. I just love them. When I am feeling extra concerned about something and cannot get it out of my head, having a soothing voice walk me through the steps into a more peaceful state is the remedy. That focus on what they are instructing me to let go of, where they want me to direct my attention or what I should be imagining is so helpful. It may be more of a “training wheels” approach but I think it is really valuable and I love it. There are typically the right musical tones or binaural beats that help the brain to get into a more zen state and the voice of the guide is typically quite soft and gentle. This practice may be something reserved for when we need extra help, or when we really want to get a new perspective. Again, there are hundreds of guided meditation apps or videos on YouTube that can walk you though very specifically focused meditations. It can be fun to try one for a specific subject that intrigues you such as Meditation For Connecting With Your Spirit Guides, Meditation For Anxiety, Meditation For Finding Purpose, Meditation For Healing Your Body etc. There are meditations for everything, it is a really cool YouTube rabbit hole to travel down. I recommend using these as much as you want but still trying for the quiet stillness now and then and seeing if you can work into having the very “minimalist” meditation more doable for you.
Setting
A quiet, peaceful setting is of course, the ideal for meditation. Less distraction can mean less activity with your thoughts. However, if you have had some experience with a meditation practice, it may be possible for you to drop into meditating anywhere. It doesn’t have to look and feel perfect to reap benefits. Experiment and try it everywhere, even in your car before you leave for work.
Remember: This practice is a personal thing so don't expect your method to look perfect or just like your friend's, be true to you.
Reach out if you need some help getting started, I am here for you!